May 5, 2005
October 8, 2005
July 25, 2009
3 turning points, fulcrums around which my life now rotates.
ful⋅crum
| 1. | the support, or point of rest, on which a lever turns in moving a body. |
May 5 - bildungsroman day
last day of innocence, first day of experience. "benign" surgery to remove "probably just fatty tissue" under my arm became radical lymphnode resection, 16 of 18 nodes with melanoma, my immune system trying its best to keep the cancer contained.
October 8 - anti bildungsroman day
last day of experience, first day of innocence. went to sleep stewing about the fact that I had Stage 4 cancer and a prognosis that was uncertain at best. Woke up free of worry, embracing the uncertainty, no more looking back. The windshield's big and the rear view mirror's small (thks Tom Daschle for the catchy phrase in 8/30 NYT Magazine ).
July 25 - Just Do It day
mental but no physical harmony with the world. not since the cancer found a home in my knee (early 2007). I fought my way through the world for 2 1/2 years, everything a struggle. In 2009, another clinical trial, new drugs - weight gain - more struggling. On July 25, I resolved to quit fighting, find my way back into the world's rhythm. Mission 125 was launched - my diet and exercise plan (eat less, bicycle more) to return me to a fitness level where I can be comfortable in my own skin.
Milestones
These 3 dates are now/will be annual milestones, marking progress in the way that birthdays and anniversaries do. They are fulcrums, put in place because my life is now defined a priori by cancer and uncertainty. I suppose I've been reborn - and celebrating these 3 extra birthdays will be a gift.
Cancer is not an opponent; it is part of the tao and therefore an accepted part of my life.
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