Remembering Barbara

Preparing (mentally) for traveling out to Houston for the start of Cycle 18 of the clinical trial. Haven't been able to sleep for a week, who knows why. B barking outside, H dashing out too, but by now has likely realized B is just tilting at another windmill, creating another false alarm, and I'm sure wishes she were back inside in her fleece bed. She is a loyal sidekick, but also intelligent. I suspect that there are only so many more "Wolf"s she will respond to before she will quit investigating at all.

Here she is, right on cue. B continues to patrol, to defend and protect.

The last cycle was relatively brutal - in that I felt very bad for several days afterward - mostly tired tired tired with some nausea for good measure. The fact that I had obligations on the Friday and Saturday following my return probably didn't help. The fact that the Saturday obligations were a memorial service and dinner for a grad school friend who had passed away from ovarian cancer was mentally and emotionally exhausting. Her memorial service was held at the Botanical Garden, and was a thoughtful and loving tribute to a woman I knew mostly through our cancer connection, and wished afterwards, that I had taken the time to get know her much better. She was a selfless and giving person, from the old school of thank you notes, birthday cards, and right and wrong. She had a no-nonsense way about her - probably from decades of lecturing to university freshman, many of whom were undoubtedly full of themselves, centers of the universe all. She had developed such a strong sense of herself that I think I found intimidating - which likely got in the way of my trying to get to know her better - insecurities on my part, that I wouldn't measure up. Silly in retrospect.

With her gone, I don't think I know anyone else with cancer. By that, I mean, pre-diagnosis friends and/or acquaintances, who were struck, like myself, at around the same time, all stunned at what had been bestowed upon us. All three are gone, now, and its just me, wondering what's around the next bend.